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【PSSD-134】「女子校生の口は嘘をつく。4」雌女ANTHOLOGYSPECIAL#025

Source global Wall Street Journal     time 2020-02-27 09:30:30
Typefacelarge in Small

【PSSD-134】「女子校生の口は嘘をつく。4」雌女ANTHOLOGYSPECIAL#025 �


Cliffordhadquiteanumberoffriends,acquaintancesreally,andheinvitedthemtoWragby.Heinvitedallsortsofpeople,criticsandwriters,peoplewhowouldhelptopraisehisbooks.AndtheywereflatteredatbeingaskedtoWragby,andtheypraised.Connieunderstooditallperfectly.Butwhynot?Thiswasoneofthefleetingpatternsinthemirror.Whatwaswrongwithit?

`Butyou'vegottobegin,'saidClifford.

TheChatterleys,twobrothersandasister,hadlivedcuriouslyisolated,shutinwithoneanotheratWragby,inspiteofalltheirconnexions.Asenseofisolationintensifiedthefamilytie,asenseoftheweaknessoftheirposition,asenseofdefencelessness,inspiteof,orbecauseof,thetitleandtheland.TheywerecutofffromthoseindustrialMidlandsinwhichtheypassedtheirlives.Andtheywerecutofffromtheirownclassbythebrooding,obstinate,shut-upnatureofSirGeoffrey,theirfather,whomtheyridiculed,butwhomtheyweresosensitiveabout.

CliffordmarriedConnie,nevertheless,andhadhismonth'shoneymoonwithher.Itwastheterribleyear1917,andtheywereintimateastwopeoplewhostandtogetheronasinkingship.Hehadbeenvirginwhenhemarried:andthesexpartdidnotmeanmuchtohim.Theyweresoclose,heandshe,apartfromthat.AndConnieexultedalittleinthisintimacywhichwasbeyondsex,andbeyondaman's`satisfaction`.Cliffordanyhowwasnotjustkeenonhis`satisfaction',assomanymenseemedtobe.No,theintimacywasdeeper,morepersonalthanthat.Andsexwasmerelyanaccident,oranadjunct,oneofthecuriousobsolete,organicprocesseswhichpersistedinitsownclumsiness,butwasnotreallynecessary.ThoughConniedidwantchildren:ifonlytofortifyheragainsthersister-in-lawEmma.

TheywereratherearnestabouttheTommies,andthethreatofconscription,andtheshortageofsugarandtoffeeforthechildren.Inallthesethings,ofcourse,theauthoritieswereridiculouslyatfault.ButCliffordcouldnottakeittoheart.Tohimtheauthoritieswereridiculousabovo,notbecauseoftoffeeorTommies.

Yethewasabsolutelydependentonher,heneededhereverymoment.Bigandstrongashewas,hewashelpless.Hecouldwheelhimselfaboutinawheeledchair,andhehadasortofbath-chairwithamotorattachment,inwhichhecouldpuffslowlyroundthepark.Butalonehewaslikealostthing.HeneededConnietobethere,toassurehimheexistedatall.

Connieguessed,however,thatherfatherhadsaidsomething,andthatsomethingwasinClifford'smind.Sheknewthathedidn'tmindwhethersheweredemi-viergeordemi-monde,solongashedidn'tabsolutelyknow,andwasn'tmadetosee.Whattheeyedoesn'tseeandtheminddoesn'tknow,doesn'texist.

Cliffordwasalmostmorbidlysensitiveaboutthesestories.Hewantedeveryonetothinkthemgood,ofthebest,neplusultra.Theyappearedinthemostmodernmagazines,andwerepraisedandblamedasusual.ButtoCliffordtheblamewastorture,likeknivesgoadinghim.Itwasasifthewholeofhisbeingwereinhisstories.

Butshecouldnothelpfeelinghowlittleconnexionhereallyhadwithpeople.Theminerswere,inasense,hisownmen;buthesawthemasobjectsratherthanmen,partsofthepitratherthanpartsoflife,cruderawphenomenaratherthanhumanbeingsalongwithhim.Hewasinsomewayafraidofthem,hecouldnotbeartohavethemlookathimnowhewaslame.Andtheirqueer,crudelifeseemedasunnaturalasthatofhedgehogs.


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